October 17, 2008
Okay - so it's almost 11:30 Friday night, and I am totally exhausted after the last two days. But since I am at home (taking care of the little man (scratch that - his new nickname is now the big man, more on that later)) and I don't actually see me having another coherent thought for the next six months - so I'm just going to vomit up some thoughts on the day, just to have an (incomplete) memory of yesterday. So here goes (and I'll try to keep it brief, but we all know that's nearly impossible for me).
So the doctor wanted us at the hospital at 7:15am since Julie was going to be induced. We, of course, show up closer to 8. I mean, seriously - this kid is already late, and we are, or course, chronically late - so of course we show up for the birth of our own child late.
Anyway, we get all set up by like 8:30 and checked into the room and what not. And by about 10am the doctor comes in the room to get this show on the road. Julie had not really been having any serious contractions - so the doctor puts this gel on her cervix (I don't know how she did it because I couldn't look - I'm still troubled by a bunch of the stuff I saw over the last two days). Whatever -the gel works man. Within 20 minutes Julie starts having contractions. She was about 1cm dilated at 10 - and by 12 she was 3cm. This is where the shit really started to get surreal. The doctor now comes in and is going to break her water. Not only do I not recommend not trying that at home. If someone ever suggests it or is going to have it done - I recommend leaving the room immediately.
Again, I couldn't look because, well they were working down there - and I don't need to see that, but anytime you hear someone yelp "holy f'ing shit - that hurts!" and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, well....that sort of sucks.
Anyway, the hoover dam that was Julie's cervix has now been broken, and all I could think was 'we're going to need more towels.' This was when the contractions really started to go crazy. They were coming basically every two minutes and getting pretty intense. Around 1pm the doctor came in to check her again, and got as far as saying 'Do you want an....' "YES!" 'epidural?'
I don't know who invented them, or how they even thought of it - but an epidural is quite possibly the greatest invention for any husband ever. Husband, you ask? Yes.
So at 1pm Julie was 4cm, and as the doctor was leaving he mentioned that as soon as she got to 5cm it was going to go fast. Of course we didn't think he knew what the hell he was talking about - because with Parker, she basically got to the hospital at 4cm and we were still there for 12 hours (including pushing for 4 hours (yeah - holy crap, right?)). So we basically settle in like we're going to be there for a while. Julie starts to doze off, I get a book out and start to read. At 2:30, the nurse comes in to check - and says that she's now 5cm, so things are going to start to happen. Right. By the way, is there some sort of world record for number of times violated in a 24 hour period? If there is, I'm guessing it's related to the birth process. Everybody seemed to be checking her out.
Anyway, after that measurement - I tell Julie she should try and get some sleep because we're going to be in for a long and pretty exhausting night. She tries to sleep, and I watch her contractions on the screen they have her hooked up to, sometimes just saying 'Wow. That was a big one. You don't feel anything? Amazing"
Finally at about 3:30 Julie calls the nurse and just mentions that she is feeling a lot of pressure 'down there,' and the nurse casually mentions that it's probably the baby. At 3:45 the doctor comes back in to do another exam and just says "okay, you're fully effaced and 10 centimeters. It's go time!"
The bed is like a damn transformer - it immediately changes from a relatively comfy sleeper to a baby making making. The bottom drops out - these feet things come up, and it's just like "bring it!"
4:00pm Julie starts pushing. I can't find the appropriate words to describe what happened, but Julie pushed for four hours last time and so we were not really looking forward to this, but the baby must have been hooked up to some sort of jet propulsion while sliding down a slip and slide, because the baby just came flying out.
And the doctor who had been very nice morphs into this drill sargent. "I WANT YOU TO PUSH AGAIN! NOW GIVE ME TEN SOLIDER!" Jesus, she scared the crap out of me - I started pushing.
Six pushes (which by the way means that I had to count to ten 18 times, nobody ever appreciates that) and at 4:13 the doctor yells. "Julie, give me one more good push, here comes your baby!"
It is amazing. There isn't another experience that even comes close, and I'm just watching and counting to 10 -it's not like I really did anything. I'm balling, Julies balling. It's just spontaneous eruption of emotion.
And I go and look at my new son. And he's blue. Head to toe. Blue everywhere. WTF? Jesus, we gave birth to an alien. Parker had maconian last time so he was whisked away pretty quickly - so I don't remember if he was blue, but this one was most definitely was.
It's totally okay. I love my blue baby boy (YOU MY BOY BLUE!).
He finally starts to turn a color that can at least be described as some human shade of pink - and he looks like a little old man. It is so adorable, I start crying again.
8 pounds 9 ounces. 22 inches long. Head 14 (i guess centimeters? who knows, maybe inches).
A nurse asks if we have a name, and Julie and I kind of look at each other and say:
"Riley Alexander Keenan".
I could not be more proud. And to watch Julie go through childbirth - all I can say is she in an amazing, amazing woman.
(riley helped out his name being born with glasses on, because that is a name that exudes a dude wearing glasses)
I have got to get some sleep, but I will eventually have to discuss the bubbling tar that is maconian. How is one even able to produce something so disgusting
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